After a conversation I had with some coworkers today, I decided to come up with all the driving pet peeves I could think of. I turned it into a driving dictionary below. I’m quite sure I’ll be adding to it..
The right turn hot-shot
When someone that is behind you, speeds up to get around you, pulls in front of you, only to take a right turn and make you nearly come to a stop.
The “please do it for me” driver.
This driver is someone that performs a “fire and pray” on their turn signal. Instead of being proactive by speeding up or slowing down in order to change lanes without inconveniencing everyone, they let their turn signal blink for as long as it takes before someone “kindly” slows down to let them in. The appropriate response to this driver is, “Do you want me to get in your car and do it for you?”.
Loose change
This is when the left hand turn arrow turns green seemingly out of order (a lagging left turn). Before this happens, pleading to the light, “Com’on baby, gimme some loose change” increases your chances of it turning green.
The stiff neck lane change
This is the technique used when you need to get over into the highly populated next lane. If you turn your head, the drivers will see that you need to get in the lane, and therefore speed up. In defense, you check your blind spots by looking out of the corners of your eyes and not turning your neck at all. Thus, you’re pulling off the “stiff neck”.
Sorry for having to get on the freeway
So you’re getting on the freeway. The on-ramp is about 100 yards, and you barely have enough speed to get to 55. You have to get over in order to get on the freeway, only to find that about 300 yards behind you, some maniac is going 85 in the slow lane. Once you get over, they get pissed and ride your bumper. To which you exclaim, “Sorry for having to get on the freeway”.
Plenty of room behind me
Absolutely no one is behind you. You’re travelling sufficiently fast and keeping up with the traffic in front of you, and yet someone in the next lane tries to speed up and get in front of you. To which you speed up and say, “there’s plenty of room behind me”.
Good thing you got into that lane
When someone is driving 60 mph with plenty of room behind and in front of them. Meanwhile, you are coming up on them, only to witness them change lanes right in front of you for no reason. All while maintaining the same speed.
The pretty girl
Yes pretty girls are used to getting their way and not afraid to ask for anything because they usually do receive it. This is no different on the road. We’ve all seen the drivers that cut across three lanes of traffic either majorly inconveniencing everyone or putting everyone at risk, only to make sure they don’t have to do a U-turn to get back to Starbucks. This is known as pulling a “pretty girl”.
I don’t see a signal
When someone obviously needs to get into your lane, yet they do not turn on their signal. They are speeding up and slowing down to squeeze in front of you, however too stubborn to give a signal. To which you exclaim, “I don’t see a signal” and speed up.
The take a chance lane
This is the lane that either merges or goes off into BFE. Everyone knows you shouldn’t be in this lane, but you’re in it to get around people. Knowing this, people will speed up to not let you in. All the meanwhile, you’re acting as if you don’t really need in. So much so, you even lie to yourself about needing to get in. Of course if you were not in the take a chance lane, you would be hitting the pedal also.
We’re not in England
What you exclaim when trying to take a right turn into an AM/PM and the driver trying to leave the driveway is on the wrong side of the entry way.
The freeway hawk-eye
When someone is inconspicuously acting as if they don’t need to change lanes, however you know they do and yet they are not using their turn signal. In natural reflex, you speed up and don’t let them over. After they pass you, you continue to watch them for miles to see if they change lanes, only to say, “I knew it!”.
Rear-view Driver
This is a person that spends entirely too much time looking behind them while driving. Usually going slower than the speed limit, they get paranoid when someone gets within a cars length distance of them, causing them to slow down more while constantly peering through their rear-view mirror. The appropriate response is, “Stop driving behind you”.
Imaginary Car Syndrome
When someone stops at a stoplight leaving between 2 and 6 car lengths of empty road in front of them.
The difference between asking and taking
Whether someone does or does not use their turn signal to get in front of you. It’s the difference between asking and taking.
The “It’s not me” face
When you’re driving with someone who clearly does not know how to drive. You haven’t agreed with any of the moves they’re making. All drivers are scowling at them. Finally, they pull a total boner and someone honks and everyone stares. To which you make the “It’s not me” face. However you have to do it inconspicously as to not hurt the driver’s feelings.
The California Bitch honk
This happens in California.. LA specifically. Right when a light turns green and someone honks immediately within 1-2 seconds.
Mr. High Beams
Yep, we all know this guy.
Of course you have to go down this aisle
When you’re in a tight parking lot where the lanes are very narrow. You’re leaving the parking lot to take a left turn and exit the store. Even though there are plenty of rows of parking, the person that is entering the store turns on their signal in order to enter the parking row you are in, to which you exclaim, “Of course you have to go down this aisle”
The blockade
When four lame drivers on the freeway are all driving 60 mph while pacing each other side-by-side and covering all four lanes.
Red light racer
Someone who continuously takes off like a bat outta hell when a light turns green.. only to stop at the next red light 300 feet away. This continues to happen for miles.
The Long Merger
When someone travels the merge lane as far as they possibly can. Passing up multiple chances to merge into the stream of traffic and be a respectable member of society. Instead, travelling with half their car in the emergency lane, pissing everyone off.
The Merge Cutter
While merging, instead of respecting the 1 person merges per each car that passes, this person attempts to merge along with the car in front of them.
Mr. You’re gonna go my speed
Possibly the most annoying of all drivers. This driver travels 15 mph slower than the speed limit on a two lane highway. When you’re finally able to pass him, you change lanes and gun it, only to find that this person puts the pedal to the metal.
I’m not following you signal
When you and the driver in front of you have been making all the same turns. Finally, you are on the last street before your destination and even though this person is in front of you, you turn on your signal before them to show that you’re not following them.
YOU go first.. after me
When you and another driver arrive at a 4-way stop at about the same time. The other driver signals you to go first, then immediately guns it.
